My quarantine craziness has me spinning my wheels

I am consumed by the plans of home improvement projects

Furiously stocking up on wallpaper, paints, carpeting, curtains and new dishes

Bought and sitting waiting for assembly or a new home

Plans to paint old unfinished furniture yellow

Outside I planted sunflowers and they grew lazily

Taking their time

Like they were waiting for something and just finally said “what the fuck” and bloomed

The squirrels picked and decimated the best ones

The hulled carcass discarded on the ground unceremoniously

I feel like their incubation time mirrored my own

Meeting milestones along the way

Filling my days with coffee runs, returning online shopping items to the post office, donating things to the food pantry, searching for kindness

Avoiding what the scale says

I know it has only gone up

That type of growth is unwelcomed

I am a health and wellness coach who is struggling to maintain my own health

I am a podcaster who records podcasts but doesn’t promote or distribute them

I am a dog owner whose dog is walked by someone else

I am organized but I feel disorganized all the time

That is just fear talking

I spray the yellow paint on my bookcase in a smooth back and forth motion

Hoping the color will illuminate the dark corners of my mind