When you disappear in the world

I’m standing outside with my horse next to me. I do it all the time, but today is different. Today I am breathing deeply in a year gone. This year is something no one will ever forget. This one leaves a mark for every human being. Standing here with my horse makes me very aware of how I slowly closed myself from life support. Being positive, seeing the best of the terrible situation, every day showing up with more creative ways to beat this thing. The thing with no name. I drowned in my pool of ignoring my true feeling and creating a gateway for my emotions. I just kept going and shoving them down my throat. Why, I don’t know, because that’s what I have been doing my whole life.

I am a privileged person. That’s what the outside world keeps telling me. The world history takes over from my account. I will need to set aside my trauma because there are more significant and more hurtful traumas. So I stuff my things down my throat. I can feel all this pushing down. I am okay, and let’s say some more affirmations, let’s create a vision board. It weighs me down. Never in a million years do I want to be disrespectful to others. I acknowledge every single human being in where they are and what they are experiencing. But I start to notice that I can’t breathe again and any deep breath I am taking also adds an extra pound to my physical body.

Now I stand here with my horse and I breathe, deeply, freely. I can be me and I can be whoever I want to be. I am human and I feel the sun warming me up. I feel the sun is sharing nutrients with me. I am part of a community that is healing and we have that in common. No history can take away the fact that we are all human. We all can spend time in nature and with our animals. We all can feel the temperature, we all can share a smile, we all are on our unique journey and we all travel simultaneously. It doesn’t matter where we are on this fantastic place called earth. We share so many things that will unite us all.

Yes, there will always be other people who like to divide us into groups: the privileged ones, the poor or rich ones, the lucky ones. I am not saying that is not true as we experience life in our unique way. But it feels incredible to find the places where we can gather as one. Join me now for one minute. Imagine this place alongside the river where you can hear the water talk to you. It has this soothing rhythm and it sings to you. You walk towards this magical river where you can sit down in beautiful soft grass. It feels like sitting on a soft pillow. You feel welcomed in this place. Around you there are berries to treat you to something sweet and nurturing. While listening to the river you feel how you are part of a fantastic place called earth. You sit in this magical place together with everyone reading these words and finding themselves in this place – a place of healing, a place of acceptance, a place of being together.

We all are important and we all have a history to share. The acknowledgement of seeing someone else, truly seeing the other human and seeing their ancestors working hard in making this a better place. Seeing them with your heart and connecting with their soul. To make sure that we can apologize for the history that has happened here and heal both sides of the experience. Fear is a terrible virus that has held us captive for too long. Share stories! Listen, not only to the words, but to the emotions that come with those words. You may not understand but that is not what is essential. You listening, you holding space and together saying no more.

Me standing outside with my horse, a very wise horse, don’t you think? I am listening to the words floating my way and filling my heart. I realize there is no good reason anymore to stuff anything down. I can be who I am and you can be who you are. We are together to support and love one another in the best version we already are. We can connect as souls and leave the chatter that is happing outside us, even if it is just for a moment. I hope you’ll join me and know I got you. I know you got me right back. History is essential. We can learn from it, apologies are necessary, but healing we do with love.

Renee Vos De Wael
Renee is an open-hearted, full-energy persona. She is a walker of life - an animal communicator and psychic life coach, educator, group facilitator, traveler, wife, mother and student. Renee adopted a flexible attitude towards life and as an intuitive. She sees the possibilities in people before they notice it themselves. You can connect with Renee at Sagittarius Way or on Insight Timer where she is a teaching and meditation guide.

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