What about our men?

Post by Heather Day for the Love for Love series.

What about our men?

The power of the feminine is rising.

(Can I get a hell yeah?)

Not in a “we’re smashing through the glass ceiling” kinda way- in fact, I think we’re still beating our fists persistently, praying for the spiderweb of fissures to finally come crashing down.

This rising is a deep, serpentine ascension from somewhere in the womb of the earth. From the feeling heart of every woman, man, child. Energetic. Spiritual. Kundalini Rising, the-goddess-in-every-woman kinda stuff.

There’s this collective, “Hell YES” ferocity. Women stepping into the light- owning what’s true for us, our own businesses, our strong curvaceous bodies and our whip-smart and deeply insightful voices. The persistent itch of discontent has grown until it can’t be ignored and now we’re taking action. Previously unhealthy relationships are being obliterated and we’re remembering how to be in LOVE. Resignations are being penned at soul-numbing jobs. Manifestos and statements of purpose and radically gorgeous art are coursing through the veins of modern femininity.

We’ve reclaimed red lipstick and high heels. We love to feel sexy, and will strut it all in public. We’re getting tattoos. We love our asses, our thighs, and our crazy hair. We do yoga, go on retreat, and have radical self care practices that keep us grounded, sane, and feeling luscious. And we freaking LOVE our sisterhood.

(How about another HELL YEAH? I see you nodding with me.)

But… what about our men?

I’ll call myself a feminist. Happily. You should know: I was Co-President of the Women’s Association at my college, campaigned for over-the-counter access to Emergency Contraception, and have used the word “oppression” more than I should probably admit. I didn’t shave my legs for a long time on principle, have read The Beauty Myth at least a few times, and spent 5 months studying radical gender paradigms in Amsterdam.

But sisterhood of mine… I think we have a problem.

We’ve claimed this feminine rise as our own. Hoo-rah, here’s to the women! We deserve it- to rise, finally.

And we’ve left the men scratching their heads, folding their arms, unsure how exactly they’re supposed to be men amidst all this talk of goddesses and thigh-loving and I’ll Do It My Way vavoom.

We told them, once, that we wanted Equality. That they were putting us down and shutting us out- and how dare they open the door, or lift a grocery bag? Dammit, we can do that ourselves, because we are absolutely and undoubtedly equals! We’re going Dutch, thank you.

We told them not to sexualize us, to dominate us, or stare at our bodies- that’s commodification, and we are NOT objects.

Then we told them to be more sensitive, to “get in touch” with their emotions. To be less brash, definitely less stinky, more cultured and literate. We told them they’re from Mars, and we’re from Venus. Whatever that means.

We told them that being masculine- being male- is, in effect, bad.

And now, as women stand to rise in our power, they don’t know how to stand up with us.

Suddenly we’re the one scratching our heads.

Because if we’re truly seeking a culture- a world- where men AND women can celebrate one another’s power, honor one another’s truth, and fall madly in love with this dance of humanity, we’ve got to stop merely paying lipservice to the idea of the balance of Masculine and Feminine and start embodying it.


So here, in my yoga pants and sassy short haircut, I humbly propose:

To be a Divine Goddess requires not just standing in our feminine power and celebrating the strong feminine, but invoking a fully embodied masculine to join us.

That means:
We can’t raise our collective strength and consciousness while standing in opposition to, as we have for so long- fighting against what we saw as an oppressive Oneness, that vile Male-ness of patriarchal oppression. (There that word is again.)

That doesn’t make us evolved- it means we’re perpetuating the problem from a different angle and calling it Womyn Power.

Because it hasn’t been serving men, either.

Over the past few years I’ve found myself the confidante for men- friends, strangers, yoga students- who carry deep and crippling wounds from these wild swings in “acceptable masculinity”. They’ve been told to be more sensitive, then admonished for crying too much. They’ve been told told “be the man” in the bedroom, then slapped for being too dominating. They’ve lost self-esteem. They lack confidence in their purpose. They don’t trust women, and certainly can’t be truly vulnerable.

And they constantly feel like they’re performing some sort of Masculine Role that never quite fits.

It would be easier to say: Well, that’s their problem. We’ve pulled ourselves up out of corsets and the housewifery of the 50’s thanks to our own fight and persistence. They’ve been the privileged ones all along. Let them solve their crisis of masculinity.

We’ve got to pull off our Take Over the World boots, put down the prosecco, and look at how we really want this to play out.

Sisterhood is amazing. Women will change the world- the Dalai Lama says so. But as a culture, we’re still screwed if men aren’t evolving, too.

I’m not saying we should feel bad about our revolution! I’m in constant awe of how powerful women are when we support each other, when we stop giving a damn about status quo and how we’re “supposed” to act, and start behaving like the wild souls we truly are.

The world sparkles when we claim our pleasure, our sexuality, our bodies, our careers, and the way we want to show up.

The problem comes when we take that newfound strut and walk it all over the men in our lives. My way or the highway. I’m an evolved and powerful woman, suckas, so bow down to this goddess!

(Um, not helpful.)


So: what are we supposed to do?

The very same thing we’ve been begging men to do all along: Listen.

Ask questions about what men want, what they struggle with, what brings them joy, what they fear.

Be a safe, non-judgmental heart and invite them to be real. Completely and honestly real, in all their desires and joys and insecurities.

Rather than respond with rhetoric- just hear them. Show them that we are partners in this world. Absorb their answers into the very fabric of our evolved feminine hearts. Let’s begin this process of co-evolution by meeting one another, eye to eye, face to face, no longer in opposition but working towards the same goal: rather than the rise of the feminine lifting only the strength of the women, let’s call this the rise of the collective- and see how much further that will take us.

Now- you may put your boots back on and resume sipping your Prosecco. But I’m counting on you, women- let’s toast to a future where all of us feel powerful, heard, and loved.

Heather Day is a Chakra Flow Yoga teacher, Simplify Your Crazy Life Coach, and the author of the Your (Im)Perfect Body Cleanse. She works with people who want to quit feeling unfocused and ungrounded to create purposeful, energized, and centered lives without sacrificing what they love. She currently lives a simple, beautiful life in the jungle of northwest Costa Rica. You can find her writing, coaching programs, and get your Chakras checked at www.heatherdaywellness.com. Catch her on Facebook or Instagram: @heatherdaywellness.


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