I got a cat. Been away for almost a year, and that’s my life update. You get it though, right? Sometimes life is like that and there’s no explanation required.
But, I got a cat! It took me a while to be ready after my kitty soul mate, Brady, died in January. In the past, when I had an animal that died, I wanted to get a new one right away. Yes, it was a way to save another life, but more so, it was to deflect the pain.
I didn’t do that this time. I waited. I cried (a lot). I loudly declared to anybody listening that I would never love anybody more; human or animal. I got the “Oh, he was just a cat” looks from a lot of people, but if you know, you know…he was not “just a cat.”
I realized this year that grief isn’t confined to death. It is any loss, and there’s been a lot of grieving this year. Not only for me, but there is a communal grieving happening in our communities and in our countries. I’m sure you know about the five stages of grief (denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance), but I think they’re missing one. The missing piece is action.
What do you do with your life after loss? After you’ve felt your feels, and as you’re still feeling them (because they never go away), there has to be some sort of action, right? Some way to honor what or who you lost. Here are the things I do:
- Travel to see my favorite people. I want to see them as much as possible because the memories made are really all we have.
- Travel with my favorite people. My grandmother loved to travel and she instilled it in us. Her love of life, this world, and her family lives on.
- Honoring those who have died in ways that are meaningful. Every year we go to a church in Paris and light a candle for my mother-in-law and my grand-kitty, Jacks. My son asked me why I didn’t light a candle for my grandmother or for Brady…it’s because that isn’t a meaningful tradition to me for them, but it is for my partner and my granddaughter. For my grandmother, every year, I go to Red Lobster (a place she loved) on her birthday and for Brady, I donate food to our local animal shelter.
- Living my life in a more focused way, because life is fleeting
- Talk about the ones we love and lost. And not just in the “She was a saint” kind of way, but the reality. The reality is so much better than some contrived version of the truth that we often come up with in our heads after loss.
- Donate to causes in memory of the ones I love.
I got a cat! He is not Brady’s replacement; he is his own sweet little self. This is what I like to think the grieving process ultimately looks like – when you’re able to enjoy what life is while still holding onto the memories and love.
