Does this sound familiar?

If I stay at my full-time job that I don’t really like, I will never have time to start my business. But if I don’t stay at my full-time job that I don’t really like, I won’t have enough money to live (eat, pay rent, buy pretty shoes, drink tea, or whatever).

Maybe that exact scenario doesn’t ring true for you, but most of us, at some point or another, mentally paint ourselves into corners. In psychology it’s called “splitting”. In philosophy, it’s called a false dilemma or black-and-white thinking. And in real life, we call it a lot of different things:

• Stuck between a rock and a hard place
• Catch-22
• Out of the frying pan and into the fryer
• All or nothing
• No-win situation

So here’s the thing. If you are stuck between working a job you hate and having enough money to eat, or stuck between a guy you think is hot and a guy who is nice to you, or stuck between being wildly successful or a miserable failure… while there’s probably some truth in these and many other all-or-nothing dilemmas you (and I) find ourselves in all the time, it’s really a big pile of poop.

Yes, I said poop.

Now, I’m not saying that you need to go quit your job or breakup with your boyfriend, or shave your head. But here’s the reality check: it is rarely ever true that there are only those 2 options.

We live in a world of super-sized upgrades, premium options, and add-ons. And what’s more, we live in a world with a whole lot of gray zone.

So when we’re fretting over A or B as if those are the only 2 possibilities, it usually has something to do with fear. Fear of failure, embarrassment, hard work, success, being seen as silly, being seen as smart, expectations, etc etc etc…

“Either my latest product will sell, or I am a failure.”
“Either I land that new client, or I’m a bad coach.”
“Either I will make six-figures in my first year of business, or I am a complete business failure.”

There are so many other possibilities. So many.

You could fail to sell your first product (and throw yourself a pity party, if needed), and then realize you just need to tweak this or that and relaunch it to crazy-wild success.

Or you might land a client or two and realize that “hey I’m a pretty awesome coach, but these aren’t really the clients I want to work with after all.”

Maybe you don’t even break even in your first year of business. But you know what? You’re in it, you’re learning, and next year you get to use what you learned to get a little (or a lot) closer to your goals.

Fear, the inner critic, saboteurs, gremlins… these are the voices that tell you it’s either A or B. And while they are not all-bad-all-the-time, it is a tricky business to try to live within their set of limitations and rules.

They don’t believe in gray zones, but if you take a look around you’ll see: you live in a gray zone.

Most of the time when you are faced with that A or B, black or white, all or nothing, chocolate or vanilla choice, in reality, your options are limited only by your courage and your imagination.

Chocolate with sprinkles. Vanilla with hot fudge. All of the above with caramel sauce. Please and thank you.

The truth is you may not end up with either A or B. You may end up with something way better.

But you have to have courage, and you have to take action.

Take action now: Tell us in the comments what all-or-nothing trap you struggle with most and at least 1 other option you hadn’t thought of before.

Patricia Lawless is a certified life coach and writer who helps women make space for what really matters in their lives by letting go of perfection, overcoming overwhelm, and making up their own set of rules. Visit her website and read more at: PatriciaLawless.com

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