Spin Your Story : My Wish for Mothers

Guest post by Laura Summers for the Spin Your Story series.

My Wish for Mothers

I often ponder the wisdom of bringing life into the world. I look at the child that I bore and I marvel at the beauty of that creation. I am constantly humbled by my role as Mother. “Mother” is all inclusive. Not like a resort on the beaches of Cancun – but all inclusive meaning: Mothers are nurturers, teachers, and healers. Mothers are soft, and gentle, and loving. Mothers are creators. Mothers cultivate a life within the womb, but mothers can also cultivate kind hearts, and thoughtful hands.

I know all sorts of Mothers. My own Mother is hard working and independent. She has a fierce drive and resilience. She taught those same qualities to BOTH of her daughters. I know Mothers who stay home with their children and teach them all the essentials. You know, share, love one another, and hold hands in the parking lot. I know Mothers who lead their children by example with charity and good-works of all kinds. I know Mothers who rear their children organically and as close to nature as was probably intended. Oft times during my blog hopping, I see evidence of good mothering. It’s all over. Most of the mothers I’ve found in cyber-space are visionaries, artists, dreamers, and do-ers. I imagine their children will be of similar intent.

What I wonder about all these mothers is do they find it as easy to be a mother as I do? Do they realize that their first responsibility is to their children, yet find the time to nurture their own identity? Is their every waking moment filled with thoughts of what their children want, need and dream about, and an overwhelming desire to provide it for them? Are each and every one of their decisions made with an eye towards being a good example, and righteous influence, and a beacon of stability? For most of us the answer to those questions is unceasingly, YES. More importantly, we never even consciously think about the questions. But what of those who, when honest with themselves, have to answer no to some or all of those questions? What of those for whom those questions never form?

I have unwittingly found myself having feelings for Mothers who are not doing what I THINK they could or should be doing for their children. I realize admitting that puts me in the judgment seat. A seat I have no business sitting in, mind you. I mean, the chair is very clearly marked RESERVED. But, as I am prone to do, I think … “must mean everyone EXCEPT me”. So, I sit right down and dole out my judgment in peace. Well, almost.

Those thoughts and feelings are quiet (albeit angry) and are never spoken, except to my very nearest and dearest. But peaceful…they are not. Those little buggers get all nice and cozy and become that humming white noise in the back of my mind. They have sought to kill my compassion and my empathy for women who may not be working with the same set of tools that I am working with. I think I am a good mother, but I have no way of knowing for sure. Further, perhaps the template I use to measure “good mother” is not a one-size-fits-all template. [GULP] I am not in control of these situations that frustrate me. Nor do I need to be. What I need is to find peace of mind and strength of heart and THAT responsibility lies solely with me.

I don’t know where I was headed when I started this post. I think I just wanted to call out the little ticker tape running the scores along the bottom of the screen that is my unconscious. (That ticker tape is really annoying. Who designed that thing anyway?) I think it was good to work through this with words I can actually see. I don’t think this issue is likely to go away. But on good days, I remember that I am always working towards a more kind and giving heart. On bad days, I click auto-pilot and dispense with the proverbial tongue-lashing.

My wish for myself and all the other Mothers I know:

Confidence.
Confidence in yourself and your ability to shape a life.

Belief.
Belief in the depth of your intuition.

Determination.
When you fall, and you will…determination to quickly get up.

Conviction.
It is how your children will remember you. Stand for something.

Strength.
Of heart for when they eventually go off to kindergarten…or college.

Peace.
Chaos in your mind leads to chaos in your life.

Kindness.
Practice it in every moment.

Love.
Children love unconditionally. Live worthy of it.

Laura has always wanted to be a writer of children’s books. She hopes to make good on that dream before her son leaves for college next year. She has fought a battle against a cancer that threatened to take her life and has found a strength and peace in her ability to put feelings to paper. Doing now, what she promised herself years ago – crossing each and every little thing off of her “To Do Someday” list.

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