It has been just that indeed! Art has always served as a conduit for relationship. It is how I tell stories and speak of the relationships I’ve had in this world. The story I never can stray from is the one about the day I encountered the greatest kindness of my life. My art centers on it. My heart swoons over it. My life is beautifully consumed by it.

At 16 years old I was set on death and darkness. Trapped in blackness and loneliness. Childhood abuse had caused me to shy away from people and take refuge in the spiritual side of life. By the time I was sixteen I was deeply and passionately involved in the occult, paganism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Shamanism, a smattering of superstitions and crafts. Suicidal, self-masochistic, and lifeless. I was a train wreck. There was no shortage of demonic oppression in my life. In June 2001 I had a series of five consecutive dreams. I was a mother, and each night I would kill one of my children. Not only was I waking up mortified, but I was taking on even more depression than before. A breaking point was nearing. On the day following the fifth dream, my parents (who knew about the dreams) were watching the news stunned to hear the story of Andrea Yates who had drown her five children while suffering with severe postpartum depression and psychosis. I broke inside. I more than broke. Complete devastation. Not only was I a mess, but there was absolutely no way I could have helped those children I had dreamt about it. No amount of my personal spirituality did a thing to ward off their deaths, help their mother, or purge the darkness that I had been engulfed by. Done. I resolved that I was done. Meaning my life.

Had a girl not moved in with us for the summer (who we later adopted), it would have been done. She had been kicked out of her abusive, drug-addicted home when she became a Christian and we had taken her in. She was there the night I intended to end my life. Krissy messed everything up about my world. She was just as rough around the edges as I was, but she had a genuine relationship with God that I couldn’t deny. All of the demonic activity in my home literally stopped when she moved in with us. Because I wasn’t a Christian I hated it, but I knew her God was the real deal…even though I didn’t want a thing to do with Him. There really wasn’t ever much personal interest in her religion, but between peer pressure, serious nagging, and seeing real life in her, she got me to go to a youth conference on September 7, 2001. The funny thing was that the preacher spent the entire first night (about 2 ½ hours) of the conference preaching a sermon about Andrea Yates and her children.

My world exploded in that moment. I had never felt so vulnerable in all my life. I had always intentionally pursued the gods of my choice. There had always been an openness and experiential element to my spirituality, and I had some real encounters…but this was Entirely different. God was pursuing me. Not for destruction of the evil little goth kid. But for love. That night at the altar I knew my pursuits had been wrong. I also knew that was the first time I had ever experienced love and kindness. In that moment, the Lord ripped open everything about my life, reached in through all of the darkness, held my destroyed heart and spoke my name. All of the religious stuff I had heard in passing growing up, about some angry, condemning, impersonal, legalistic, far off God melted away. I handed my heart over to Jesus who had given every ounce of his life to give me the opportunity to have a relationship with God if I wanted it. And I did.

I could continue on for a long time about how my life turned a complete 180. Things didn’t change because I found a religious system with nice life principals and laws to make me a good and wholesome person if I abided to them perfectly. Yes, I’m whole heartedly a Christian, I treasure the Bible, I am engaged in an awesome church and so on…because of a real relationship with God.

There is a Bible scripture that says, “Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4). That repentance isn’t just the idea of “do or die.” “Turn or Burn.” That repentance comes in the context of His kindness…the greatest kindness I’ve ever experienced in my life, which lead me out of death and into life.

Christina Steele is a Colorado native who moved to Missouri in 2003 to attend college, earning a degree in art. After graduating, she opened Kite Flyer Art. Working from her home studio, she teaches lessons, connects with artists of all disciplines, creates art, displays in galleries, and hangs out with her two young children and husband. The whole motive behind Kite Flyer Art is relationship. She creates out of a heart to worship God, and to love people. You can visit her at kiteflyerart.com.