May your choices reflect your hopes

photo by Jenny Ingalls Nelson

For small words, hope and fear are a pretty big deal. They are powerful forces. Hope has been the symbol of everything from presidential campaigns to cancer research organizations. It’s everywhere, and gets a lot of good press. Fear, on the other hand, is the bad guy. We are taught to hate fear, to squash fear and to eliminate fear, but do we even really understand how fear shows up?

For many years, my choices were a reflection of fear. My choices were largely centered around appearing to have it all together. There was no connection to my feelings and my biggest fear was being ‘found out’. What if everyone knew my shit was messy? What if all these feelings start leaking out? What if I’m not in control? Outting my HUGE-est fear there, friends!

At the time, I had no idea that I was being driven by fear, but in looking back, it’s so clear to me. All of my choices came down to that 1 small-big word.

Fear was in charge, and just as I wasn’t connected to my fear-centered choosing, the option of hope wasn’t even on my radar. Sure, I *hoped* that my relationship would get better, or that I’d find a place I wanted to live, but true hope (the kind that comes from deep in your gut) was completely unknown to me, and my choices reflected that.

I talk a lot about letting things go, and being in touch with feelings (including fear!). I believe this work heals and is the critical first step in building a strong foundation. Just as critical, though, is choice. Once you’ve done the feeling work, choices start to look very different.

When I started building my foundation, and wanting to feel differently, I started choosing differently. Real hope crept in and very slowly, probably not even visible to others, my choices started to reflect it. These small steps, fueled by hope, were more powerful than fear ever was.

Thanks for being on this journey with me.
?, Lara

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