Life is what happens

Post by Renee Avard for the Kind Kindred series.

photo courtesy of Wonderlane on Flickr

“Life is what happens to you when you are busy when you are busy making other plans” – John Lennon

December 2013 was a game changer for me. And the effects of the night of the 20th are still resonating today. I slipped down my stairs because I was on a new medication that was not agreeing with me and I did not notice what I was doing. My leg was broken in multiple places and I laid down crying in the house alone until my family got home and saw me. The pain did not go away until after I was in the ER on lots of medication and then the pain would continue to get progressively worse.

Surgery was needed and I have much metal in my right leg including a rod, metal plates, screws and such. I have many physical scars, but what is funny, is that my very first tattoo I found myself getting was on my right leg. The first thing I asked right out of surgery? “Is my tattoo okay?” Snickers from the hospital staff and it would continue on as either they put it on my chart or I continued to ask. Hey, I was on a lot of medication, who knows what I was saying?

“Happy holidays, while the merry bells are ringin’, happy holidays to you.”

After 3 days in the hospital, I had the lovely gift of spending the holidays and beyond in a physical rehabilitation facility. If I thought I had pain before, I knew nothing. The hospital wants to keep you pacified. So they give you whatever shot you want. The rehabilitation center? No shots. Pills only. And only if they think you need them desperately. But they want to get you to feel something so they can gauge how exactly you are really feeling when they begin you on your physical and occupational therapy programs.

“My scars remind me that the past was real.” – Papa Roach

What I did not realize was the mental scars would impede me more than any physical block I had. When it therapy, I just could not get past the act of the ‘first’ of anything. Whether it was the first stretch, or the first time working with the exercise balls, to the first use of the bands for upper body strength I would need down the road when I used my walker and cane, and yes, that proverbial first step. There were so many firsts. Physically, I could have done it, but inside, I could not overcome that fear. I was so scared to hurt that badly again. I just could not handle that. I did not want to go through that again. The fear of the first was overwhelming me.

“Sometimes you have to be your own white knight.” – Fiona; Burn Notice

And it was not just the fear, but I was alone. I did not have my husband right there all of the time to reassure me. I felt I needed to have him to chase away the bad feelings in order to make a first anything. But could he be with me in the hospital all of the time at every waking moment? No. He did have to work and my son needed him. No, I had to find a way to do this. Unfortunately, they do not prepare you totally for the mental part of the rehabilitation. I had to learn this another way.

“Sometimes, when things get tough and the pain feels unbearable, you only need to take the step in front of you. Be courageous. Decide to take one step at a time.” – Tess Marshall

Somehow, I took those firsts in the hospital and then I let those firsts roll over to when I got home and was in a wheelchair and in physical therapy. Then there was learning to walk all over again with a walker. I had no idea that such a simple thing would be so extremely hard to try and figure out hour to do all over again. Shout out to all you babies out there!

“And at last I see light. It’s like the fog has lifted.” – Disney Quote

One day, I woke up, and suddenly, my firsts were over. I had made it to the 500th and counting. The clouds had dissipated but I did not seem to know how there was ever a time it was raining. Life threw me for a loop. But after all of this, I knew why. I was to slow down. I was to walk away and take steps in a different direction. I was to stand up on my own two feet without constantly depending on the crutch of others. I might never remember the storm, but the clear sky above me is worth it all.

As an eclectic Spiritualist with focus on Earth-Based Spirituality, Renee Avard-Furlow, the “Unique-tivity Guide”, created a business to be a Holistic and Spiritual endeavor assisting in bringing out the unique and creative side each person already has inside them. Forever learning, Renee is both a student and a Guide here to show all how to allow your Star inside to lighten Life outside. 
Renee imparts the wisdom needed for everyone to know and accept that we are ALL worth catching. 

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