Kind Kindred : Danette : The Drawing Board

Kind Kindred

Happy Monday to you! Oh wow, I’m absolutely over the moon about this week’s Kindred post. Today we’re bringing Danette Relic into our soul tribe. She’s compassionate, genuine, so Real, such a lovely person. I just think the world of her, and I hope you enjoy her words as much as I did. Peace to you! – Jenn


Patience at the Sunlight Aquarium, by Danette

Extreme Self Care: When Life Falls Apart

I’ve had a devastating year.

Anyone else?

It’s the kind of year where the question “how are you?” is a ticket to land mine territory.

Let’s just say the weather system of my heart is wildly tropical these days. When it rains, it rips my house apart. When it shines, it is beautiful beyond song. How am I? Excellent question. A trick question. Most days, an essay question.

If you know what I’m talking about, I reach out and say, you are not alone. Though I won’t pretend to know exactly what your own storm feels like, I will say I am a sister of storms.

I imagine a hurricane has swept through your (metaphorical or actual) dream home. From a distance this is one big loss, but as you sit in the wreckage, you see endless webs of tiny ecosystems that have been strangled. You discover your dream home was the life support system for hundreds of other tiny dreams. The amount of loss seems infinite. Where to even begin grieving?

This is an Emergency of the Spirit.

And the single most important thing is your own healing. That’s it. It’s not how fast you should “get back” into the swing of things. This is a time where it is crucial that the word “should” be obliterated along with everything else you’ve lost. You are going to need all the love you can tolerate, and then some.

Emergencies of the Spirit don’t politely knock at your door and linger obediently on the welcome mat. They move in, they take up space, they start weaving around other areas of your life, they lube up with your tears and wiggle into the core of everything you believe to be true. It’s intimate, powerful and yes, it’s beautiful. I used to read about people who experienced huge loss and cringe when they said how grateful they were for it. I promised the universe I would be grateful if it please-please-please spared me that kind of personal disaster. In hindsight, I wonder if that was me unknowingly praying for this experience.

I offer to you, tender souls, permission to declare an Emergency of the Spirit and claim the extreme self-care required for you to heal. You get to create your own path of healing. You have permission to heal without judgement. This is important work. Push judgement out (including your own) every day. Let your healing take up space, stretch into all the folds of your sorrow. Sleep. Make art. Escape. Say no. Cry. Dance. Get support. Tell the people in your life that you have nothing to give until further notice due to a broken heart. Be unabashedly selfish. Do whatever it is you need to do to get by. For as long as it takes. Even if it looks strange.

Love yourself, even when you feel unlovable.

And know, that there is a captain in your heart, who never loses sight of the horizon.


Danette is a Creative Life Coach with a passion for sensuality and self-expression. Through intimate group workshops and one-on-one coaching, she supports her clients through the brave work of personal exploration and helps them actively create lives they love. Danette views life as the ultimate creative process. Discover more at her blog, and learn about how you can work with Danette by visiting her website.

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