It’s all part of the process

Post by Laura Summers for the Love for Love series.

Awakening the Goddess by Bosnart on Etsy

After a volatile breakup, wrought with infidelity and the like, it is easy – too easy, in fact – to cloak oneself in the pain of betrayal. Wrapped up in the warmth of resentment, tucked in the furry fleece of contempt, our thoughts can become powerfully dangerous. The transition from confident woman to wailing waif is unsettling and there is always someone on whom to lay blame.

The process of separating oneself from responsibility is instinctual. It’s a mechanism of survival, I believe. A Woman Scorned has a powerful ring. Friends will willingly climb aboard your pity train (for the purpose of providing solace and solidarity.) Family will sing the “I-told-you-so” refrain, but then be there for you every step of the way. These offers of support, although well-meaning, will serve to cocoon your damaged heart. They will serve as the buffer you need to feel the righteous indignation to any person who dared leave a footprint on your fragile heart, not to mention ego.

Now, with others at your side, you feel especially justified in your anger – validated in the unkind words you speak and completely absolved of your own participation in the demise of your relationship. If you’ve never been in this place, I bow at your feet, for you are far more developed than I. I have engaged with my lizard brain on more occasions that I would like to admit, and although behavior has some fascinating stories to tell, each of them ends the same way. Me – sorrowful and more than just a little ashamed for having reacted and/or OVER-reacted.

It seems obvious now that I have been enslaved by my own lack of self-control. Telling my story, owning my shit, and consciously working to rid myself of thoughts and behaviors that haven’t served me well is a path I MUST set my feet to E-V-E-R-Y Single Day. It is because out of my most dishonorable moments was born my desire to stop allowing myself to regress into conduct that is inappropriate.
Isn’t that how growth works?

Sound like a lot of time and energy thinking about you and the way you think and act in the world around you? Yeah? So what if it is? It is perhaps the most meaningful time and energy I’ve ever spent on myself. The process of personal evolution brings with it a unique reward; the extraordinary ability to seek out in oneself and in others stronger qualities of human kindness and acceptance.

Finding that honesty was ALWAYS the best policy and that forgiveness is a gift she strives to live in line with those values. 


Mama to a college quarterback and a rescue pup, she finds joy in a touchdown pass and go fetch. 


Ever working on improving herself, she’ll finally have that bachelors degree in the Spring.

Related Posts

If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy these

Comments