I’m awesome. But YOU should really have yourself checked out.

Post by Laura Summers for the Love for Love series.

image courtesy of DeviantART.com

Most of what we bring to a relationship comes from somewhere else, right? We learn all sorts of behaviors as we move through life and those behaviors (good OR bad) become part of the dynamic we create with our partners. Unfortunately, we don’t always understand our behaviors until it’s too late, and sometimes…not even then.

This is a tale of my journey down the Path of Good Intentions.

Early in life I learned that I was a pretty girl. Without realizing it, I learned to use that as a weapon. Not unlike most pretty girls, I found that I was able to use the magic of beauty in a rather ubiquitous manner. Boys were so very easily affected by the smile, the laugh, the touch. Later, men – creatures so easily swayed by the power of a seductive woman.

I married young, age nineteen. Perhaps, that is where the story begins. Not consciously of course, but unaware of my own needs, wants, and desires, I started to perfect a persona. The woman I became was:

Strong. [READ: scared]
Confident. [READ: careless]
Independent. [READ: insecure]
Unyielding. [READ: ungrateful]

I spent what I thought was considerable time [approx. two years] after my divorce sorting through the shit that happened. I concluded some of it to be my fault but most of it fell easily at his feet. Divorce is a curious place. It’s a place where you can paint yourself as a victim. Divorce allows you a place to be wounded, an insignificant casualty of circumstance. But take heart my dear – you won’t be alone. There will be a throng of suffering women ready and willing to welcome you.

But it takes two. Or hadn’t you heard?

It wasn’t his fault. I know that now. Assigning fault was a dangerous thing. [Shouldn’t these golden nuggets of wisdom have gotten me further down the path of enlightenment?] Probably. But that’s the beauty of being a student of life. Simply put, it’s an ongoing study. At a certain point on the spectrum, (provided you are willing to accept) your experiences give you the all the tools you need for making improvements. Some are not ready for it yet, and some may never be, but some of us end up aching for the wisdom of the universe.

Stay tuned next week: Are you there, Laura? It’s me. The Universe.

Laura, recently an empty nester, adopted a rescue dog. As he sits on her keyboard, slobbering her with love and attention, even as she tries to write it’s still very obvious who rescued whom. Open to all the forms of love the Universe has to offer is now her special addiction.

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