I Wanna Go Home

Post by Lettie McArthur for the Kind Kindred series.


print by Irina Sztukowski

I Wanna Go Home

I wanna go home – my house is somewhere beyond my horizon just waiting for me to cross the threshold. But the home that I yearn for is not a physical structure with a door. There is no such place on any map . My “home” is a state of mind – a healed spirit – a more loving sense of self. I have been looking for the road that will take me to this lovely house for most of my adult life. I even have a Pinterest board called “shoes for the yellow brick road“. It is there that I collect the footwear that will carry me on my journey – I want to be ready when I spot that first glimpse of yellow brick.

My present dwelling is filled with a lifetime of collected debris – negative perceptions of myself that I have come to believe are my own truth. They swirl endlessly in my head and I am stuck in the vortex. It doesn’t matter that others tell me that these thoughts are wrong – to me, they are my reality. The mental work to clear them seems so simple – I must replace my dark interior with brighter and more loving thoughts but for me this is no easy chore. Years have passed with the belief that another person or place would surely “fix” me. I have been my own wicked witch – a self saboteur with excellence in the field of personal degradation.

Two weeks ago I was confronted with deliberate words from a friend but the message was delivered with a smile and I spotted the first hint of yellow – a glimpse of my own strength. The power to change these false perceptions is within me – seems I have had it all along. My power comes from an affirmation that I repeat to myself. Six words are all that is needed when the debris begins to swirl. They are simple words built with the most common letters – words that I use every day but when put into this single sentence they bring me a little closer to home. They are my own secret mantra – wonderful sounds that have become the key to my private piece of personal real estate. The door to a learned appreciation of who I am and the joy that comes from being me is now in sight. Hard work and more red shoes are still needed but brick by brick I am paving the road and I am almost there. Click…click…click – I am almost home.

Lettie McArthur is the Owner of For Giving Works Jewelry. A native Texan, she currently resides in Georgia and it is there that she occasionally writes, makes jewelry and enjoys friends and family.

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