How Self Kindness improves all areas of life

When my business buddy Sarah Hawkins of True North Business Management asked me to join her on the Mindful Habits Blog Tour, I jumped at the opportunity and am honored to be a Tour Guide. Be sure to check out the lineup of my fellow Mindful Habits Tour Guides!

When you want to change something in your life, how do you start? Are you a drill sergeant (I WILL get to the gym every day)? Are you a task master (I WILL get 5 items on my to do list done by noon)? Do you use punishment as a motivator (If I don’t get 1 new client, NO day off for me)? How have those things worked? How do they make you feel?

If you’re like most people, the drill sergeant/task master/punishment model probably gets you some quick results…but they don’t last. Sure, you can bully yourself into going to the gym for a while, but the first day you miss, that inner bully that had been motivating you becomes the voice of sabotage. I knew you wouldn’t stick with it. You might as well give up.  

LATHER. RINSE. REPEAT. This is the go-to model most people use to try and make change. From personal change to business growth, for some reason, we all try to bully ourselves into success…and it doesn’t work.

Here’s what does work: Kindness, grace & compassion.

I know you might be rolling your eyes. After all, you probably have lost some weight or grown your business by bullying yourself, but you’ve probably also realized that your change was very short lived.

Trying to bully yourself into change only makes you feel worse when the inevitable road block appears. Approaching change with kindness and forgiving yourself when you do stumble is what allows you to keep going.

What if your conversation with yourself looked more like this: I’ve made it to the gym consistently for 10 days in a row. Unfortunately I missed today because I overslept, but that’s OK. My body must have needed the sleep, and I’ll be that much more rested when I go back tomorrow. Isn’t that dramatically more motivating than: You suck, you’re so lazy, you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep this up, so there’s no point in continuing?

The Mindful Habits blog tour lasts about 2 weeks. Give this a try for those 2 weeks, and see how you feel. See if you find it easier to be motivated and continue on when there’s a road block. Drop me a comment below or tag me in the Facebook group, and let me know how you’re doing!


Learn more about Tour, and meet the 12 other Mindful Habits Tour Guides here.

In case you missed it, you can check out yesterday’s post by Deb Cooperman, from, about sharing simple journaling techniques to help open space for creative, mindful self-reflection.

Be sure to come by tomorrow when the post from Allison Jones, E-RYT, goes live. She’ll examine how Highly Sensitive People can survive in a world with constant stimuli.

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