Hello my Kind Over Matter friend. I’m sending you love.
This has been a season of grief for me — and, also, for many people I know. There is a lot going on in the world and sometimes it can feel as if everything has been sped up, whirling and twirling at a sudden increased speed and intensity.
If you are reading this and you are in a light and sunny space, I am so glad. I hope you will use your good energy to smile at a stranger in the market, send a greeting card to an old friend, or volunteer at an organization that you believe in.
I hope you will multiply your light by sharing it.
For anyone who may be a little lost in fear, anxiety, or depression, I want you to know that you are not alone. Ram Dass said, “We are all just walking each other home.” I believe that.
I believe in the quiet joy of holding hands when things are hard. It is its own kind of celebration.
When things feel dark emotionally, it can be easy to believe that the darkness is permanent. We can forget that others are by our side. We can forget that we have survived hard stuff before. We can forget that there may be options, openings or possibilities we simply cannot see yet.
I have a practice of making myself audio recordings — sort of like coaching or mentoring for myself. My spiritual teacher, Cheri Huber, taught us his practice more than a decade ago. When I’m going through a hard time, I like to listen to random recordings to see what messages or wisdom pop up.
Recently, I listened to an old recording I had made for myself during a difficult season. In it, I was talking gently to the struggling part of me, almost like I was that person’s caring coach or friend.
In that recording, I said, “What if we just stay here together for a while and feel around in the dark for the light switch?”
Long after I heard that audio, the image stayed with me of befriending myself while I am in the dark. Instead of feeling alone, I could feel as if there was a stronger, more courageous part of me by my own side!
Thinking about a light switch brings me comfort. It reminds me that healing is not about an “instant fix.” Sometimes it’s about being willing to stay present long enough for our eyes to adjust. It’s about trusting that even if we cannot see clearly right now, there is still a light switch somewhere in the room. We just need to trust we can eventually find it!
Sometimes, even before we find the light switch, our eyes start to adjust to the dark. Maybe we notice a crack of light someplace. Once we find even a little light, we often begin to notice things we couldn’t see before. Is that a doorway? Did I just think of a small possibility? Maybe someone drops in my mind who might be able to help me. Maybe there is a tiny glimmer of possibility where just minutes ago, everything felt lost in the dark.
We must trust this process. We must.
Often, the future is far bigger than what we can imagine from inside a painful and pitch-black moment.
Finding that recording brought me the comforting reminder that we can learn to stay with ourselves during hard times. We can become a compassionate presence to the scared parts within us rather than abandoning ourselves when life feels scary or overwhelming.
Would you be willing to make yourself your own audio recording? I know it might seem a little awkward or uncomfortable. But I will help give you some ideas of what to record!
You could remind yourself of these kinds of things:
• I have survived difficult seasons before.
• My current circumstances are not the whole story.
• Darkness does not mean there is no light at all.
• I do not have to figure everything out immediately.
• I can take one small step at a time.
You could also give yourself some helpful steps to take like these — some tiny and some big:
• making the bed
• calling a friend
• taking a walk
• going to therapy or spiritual counseling
• resting
• letting yourself cry
• praying or meditating
• asking for help
We do not always get or need big dramatic breakthroughs. Sometimes we only need enough light, just a little light, for the next step.
Reminders on How to Find the Light Switch
- Stay with yourself and offer kindness.
Talk to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love. Compassion creates safety, and that safety can help us move forward. - Look for one tiny pinprick of light.
Don’t pressure yourself to solve everything at once. Focus on one small thing that brings relief, comfort or steadiness. - Remember other hard seasons you survived.
If you think about it, you will likely remember other moments you once thought you wouldn’t get through — and yet you did. - Reach toward connection.
Isolation can intensify darkness. Let someone be with you through this. A trusted friend, therapist, support group or spiritual teacher can help you keep going. - Trust that unseen possibilities exist.
Just because you cannot currently see the doorway does not mean it isn’t there. New landscapes often reveal themselves slowly, one small light at a time. Speaker Trent Shelton says, “The next door you walk through may not even be built yet.” Be patient and trust.
Here is another really important thing to remember: sometimes, when we are able, we can sit beside someone else in their dark room and help them search for light and hope again. Helping another person find a light switch can brighten our own outlook in unexpected ways.
In the meantime, you are not alone. I’m here, beside you!
