Delivering from fear

Post by Jennifer Perry for the Kind Kindred series.

printable art created by vtdesigns on Etsy

Last year I started a journey of letting go of fear and having more faith. After the most emotional roller coaster ride of my life, we were blessed with the pregnancy of our baby boy, Alexander. I had this dream of having a natural childbirth. You see, I had the same dream with our first child, our daughter Angelina. Instead of having the delivery of my dreams, I let fear creep in and overtake that experience I longed to have. Fear turned my first delivery into over 36 hours of laboring and 2½ hours of pushing. It was exhausting and not a very good experience.

Once we knew we were having a second child I just knew I would do what it took to have the delivery I dreamt of having. I am all for choices and it is OK to have a C-section by choice or epidural. My choice was that I had no intentions of getting an epidural because of the way it made me feel with my first delivery.

Everything was smooth sailing, and painful, during contractions until I was at the hospital in the delivery room and getting up to 6-7 centimeters. Fear crept in once again and started to make me believe that I couldn’t go on without an epidural. At that moment my doula showed up and that was all I needed to keep my dream delivery alive. She came in and started telling me how great I was doing. Something clicked in me and I immediately believed it too. It’s funny how my Mom and my own husband can say the same thing but all I think is “Yeah, yeah, whatever” but my doula walks in and says the same thing and I’m like “Yeah, I am doing great. I can do this!” Once I had that confidence it was smooth sailing and I will tell you, I didn’t just have the delivery of my dreams; it was so much better and beyond that! It was such a beautiful experience.

My story isn’t just about delivering naturally; it’s about letting go of fear by choice for the first time in my life. It’s about not letting fear decide my fate and feeling so empowered by that choice. Since my son’s birth, I have been walking on a cloud of empowerment and feeling so dang proud of myself. I am still in awe that I actually did something that scared me and pushed (literally) through that wall of fear – the wall that could have so easily stopped me dead in my tracks from obtaining my dream.

So instead of being my worst critic all the time (which unfortunately I can still be), I am more gentle with myself. Instead of seeing others achieving their dreams and me thinking I wish I were that lucky; I think why not me too? Instead of letting this wall of fear stop me from looking over it to the other side that contains a life full of dreams coming true, I am slowly but surely breaking that wall down.

We can do anything we set our minds to. All it takes is believing in ourselves and letting go of that pesky thing called fear. Tiny steps are all it takes to see just how beautiful our lives can truly be. Tiny steps let our dreams come to reality. Tiny steps boost our confidence and make us say “I can do this!.” I learned that confidence didn’t just come from believing in myself, it also came from this beautiful being named Rosa, my doula. It came from my amazing husband, my awesome Mom, and my beautiful baby sister, too. It truly helps to keep people around you who support you, your decisions, and most of all, people who believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself.

This journey is definitely not over and continues every single day. Each day it gets easier, too. Just a couple of weeks ago I kicked a hole through that wall of fear. I am scared to death of flying. I have flown in the past and 7 years ago decided that was the last time I was going to fly but guess what? Yep, I did it again! I flew with my family to Florida so we could have an amazing vacation at Disney World. Lots of praying helped, too, but hey, I still did it and will continue to chip away at that wall of fear. This year my word is Conquer and quote for the year is this: “Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.” Amen!

To all of you who want to let fear stop dictating what you do in life, I believe in you. Like my friend/doula, Rosa said to me, “If I can do this, you can do it.” You got this!

Hi, I’m Jennifer Perry. I’m a wife to the best, most supportive husband and momma to two beautiful blessings, my daughter and son. I’m an artist, student, photographer and blogger on a grand artistic journey that involves learning to play, be my best critic, and enjoying the ride. I have a dream to teach this to others through art one day. In the meantime, I love sharing all that I learn and what I love most. You can find me here.
“It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.” –Rumi

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