Dear KOM, I don’t believe I matter…

This week, I chose a Dear KOM email that I received in response to my Monday Motivator post. Our beautiful contributor has agreed to have her name posted, as well.

Dear KOM,

I don’t believe I matter…I never have. I was given this message a very long time ago, my needs and my wants did not matter and they were not important enough to be filled; moreover, they were inherently selfish, my needs and wants.

I went on from my childhood into a marriage with a man that continued to deliver this message. My behaviors and other relationships also carried this message. Heather doesn’t matter. Heather isn’t good enough to be in a loving healthy relationship or to be hired by an employer.

I learned to be dramatic and sad because people became sympathetic and would fill my needs and then I felt like I mattered. I was to scared to say “Hey! My feelings matter”, because that would be selfish. I had to garner sympathy so I wouldn’t feel guilty.

I find myself suffering the bondage of self and i struggle to remember that I DO matter, independent of everything and of everyone else. I matter just because I’m here. Today I try and engage in behaviors to reinforce this new message. To learn that even when totally alone Heather matters. I believe when I truly come to accept that then I will naturally feel like I matter to others.

Thank you for telling me I matter today…I needed to hear it 🙂
~Heather Dann


Dear Heather,

You know what, Heather, I needed to hear this, too. I wasn’t feeling awesome today and this email totally turned my day around, so thank you. You matter to me and I’d love to respond to this on Saturday’s Dear KOM, if that’s OK with you. I can post it with your name or anonymously, so if you’re ok with me using your email, let me know which feels better to you.

love, love. ~Lara


The brief email above was my instant response to Heather’s email. I *was* having a crappy day. I *was* feeling sorry for myself. Heather *did* turn my day around, and every time I re-read her message, it still makes my heart smile.

I can’t imagine anyone who hasn’t, at some time in their life, identified with Heather’s feelings and words. Hell, I wrote a blog post about how we all matter, and the day she emailed me, *I* identified with her! It just goes to show – you never know how your story and your words are going to land, so choose them wisely.

I feel enormously blessed that my post (which, by the way, I was totally thinking wasn’t good enough), was what someone needed to hear that day. I belive the Universe can give us what we need, if we let it, and Heather’s email was just what I needed on Monday.

Thanks for being on this journey with me.

?, Lara

Dear KOM is an opportunity for all of you to write to me with any questions, comments, curiosities, stories, etc. ANYTHING you want to share! Every Saturday, I will choose 1 Dear KOM email and respond to or share it here!

~See an awesome news story or quote that you know KOM readers would enjoy? Bring it on!
~Have a question for me, about me or about Kind Over Matter? Hit me!
~Want a little free (and yes, we can ABSOLUTELY make any part of this anonymous) advice about something from a total stranger? I’m ready.

Consider this a wide open door. Bring on the questions, stories of love, sharing, and advice seeking. Bring it here.

Simply email and put Dear KOM in the subject line. That’s it! I will respond to the email that will be featured that coming Saturday so that we can work out any little details. Don’t worry if your email doesn’t get a response in the same week – I have a hunch that I’ll feature it in the future, and will contact you when it’s your week!

Share your stories, questions and general awesomeness. I promise, it will benefit everyone.

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