As I write this, I am at the tail end of a beach vacation with my true love, son, DIL and 3 granddaughters aged 5, 2 and 7 months. I have never had so much fun nor been in the middle of so much chaos. It has not escaped me that these days and ages go by much too quickly. I am, above all else, grateful that we have this time with them. It’s been amazing to have the gift of time to simply be present with them.
Simultaneously, my MIL is in the last days of her life. The contrast between life and death is broad and narrow. I feel I have always been incredibly aware of the fragility of life, always aware that life is finite and the need to appreciate the small moments that we wish we could relive when they are gone. But this week makes me so much more aware of the chaos and celebration of birth and youth, and the seclusion and sadness of death.
This week has been a celebration of new beginnings; paddle boarding, baby’s first toes in the water, butt in the sand, watching the 2-year-old grow day by day with her vocabulary right in front of us, watching the 5-year-old transform from being a baby herself into a role model to the two littles. This week has been heartbreaking; getting the news that it will be days and possibly hours, instead of the months we were hoping for, just waiting, coexisting with the helplessness within us and the joy beside us.
Above all else, this week has shown me what I already know. I will always wish for more and yet in the moment it’s always enough. Life coexists with death. Youth coexists with old age. Joy coexists with sorrow. Enough coexists with more.
Cherish all the moments and all the memories and all the tomorrows. It’s what we have and I am living with all of it.
