Dear KOM-ers!
We’re so happy to feature a new book giveaway!
Please enjoy this excerpt from “Your Future Self Will Thank You” by Sara Doell.
There are 2 ways to enter to win a FREE signed hard copy:
- Leave a comment below with your email address (so we can contact you)
- Email us at KOMWriting@gmail.com with the Subject: Your Future Self Will Thank You giveaway entry
Winner will be randomly selected on 6/14/21 and announced on our website and social media. *
Have you ever wondered what your future self thinks of you?
Take a journey with Coach Sara Doell as she shares wisdom and experiences to help you navigate the complexities of life. Develop strategies for upping your “on time” percentage, knowing when to not read the comments and understanding that surfing the internet to research your symptoms is not a sufficient strategy for healthy living. Walk along with Sara as you define your “future you” through intentional action, daily choices and self-reflection. Gain tips on creating a safe and comfortable living space, creative ways to move your body, how to live an authentic and genuine life as well as when it is okay to walk away from a friendship. Through a mix of serious and difficult stories as well as levity, humor and a touch of sarcasm Sara leads you on a winding path to help define “future you.” Doesn’t your future self deserve it?
Excerpt from Lesson #4: It’s not me, it’s you.
True Meaning
Relationships are very complicated and can change in an instant (you slept with my best friend?) or slowly over time (I’ve outgrown this job and feel like it has taken me ten years to lose myself and I need to go find myself on a beach in the Bahamas. Ciao.)
Be aware of where your friendships and relationships stand and be willing to grow with, redefine or walk away from them as they shift. Too often people stay in a relationship that has run its course. Someone doesn’t want to quit on it or one partner can’t stand the thought of being alone. So, they stay in a bad, negative or abusive relationship for far too long doing emotional damage that then has to be undone with months or even years of therapy. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?
Wouldn’t it be great if we could all be adults and identify that a relationship has run its course and we shook hands, gave back the mixed tapes that we made for each other and walked away before it got ugly?
Relationships change and we must be willing to under- stand that and either grow with or away from them. This is not just applicable to romantic relationships. It can apply to friend- ships, mentor/mentee situations, family members or your dry cleaner who jacked up the prices on sweaters. Really? $12 for a sweater? Come on, Jack!
It takes a lot of strength to realize that something or some- one in your life that was once passionate, powerful, useful or significant has changed and is no longer serving that original purpose. And it takes even more strength to either redefine it (partner to friend, mentor to colleague, cousin to, well, cousin, but you just see each other at mandatory family things) or walk away from it all together.
On the other side, someone who you first thought would be not a fit for your life surprises you and actually could be good for you. Take the chain off the door, open it and let them in, already—they brought a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand to celebrate this new friendship! Get the cheese board out and let’s do this.
You never know when the trainer at the gym who you thought was a jerk actually is a great guy and becomes your boyfriend. Or a neighbor who you first thought was psychotic is actually a super cool person with a fun story to tell. AND she has a grill in the backyard that she lets you use. Fire it up, throw the salmon on and let’s share war stories!
How I Learned This
I spent the majority of my adult life in some sort of a relationship because I was insecure and felt like I was a better person if I had a girlfriend, or at least someone who would always respond positively to the “You up?” text.
It took me a long time to realize that staying in a bad relationship or one that has run its course is a lot worse than being single. When you are single, you can do what you want, when you want and how you want. Everything is where you put it. In a relationship, they might put the toilet paper under instead of over which is NOT RIGHT! Also, you are responsible for communicating with, respecting and staying keenly aware of another person’s experience, not just your own. And that is a great responsibility that I screwed up a few times.
This realization has also helped me navigate friendships and fade away from a few people who were not good for me. My friend Maribeth said to me once that, “Some friendships have a shelf life,” and that rang so true to me. You wouldn’t eat expired food, why would you stay in a friendship that has soured?
The How To
Think about the last lesson we discussed about showing up on time for things and cherishing those 253 extra minutes you have once your other tasks and responsibilities are completed. Now consider what people you want to spend those minutes with. Examine who those people currently are and if they are adding to your life and bringing joy or are they sucking the life out of you and make you feel anxious, angry or annoyed. From there, start making decisions about the people in your life and what role they are serving.
Often a relationship will change slowly and before you even realize, it has turned into something that does not bring joy, happiness or positivity to your life. You can’t always guess how something will pan out, but once you get to a place that you realize something needs to change, don’t drag your feet. Act on it. You don’t have that much time, people!
The Wrap Up
When it comes down to it, you have to put value on your time and energy and believe that you deserve to have people in your life that add value to your experience. You will be a happier person with a more fulfilling life once you let the right people into your life at the right time.
Your future best friend will thank you.
You can view Sara’s book promo on YouTube (including comments from our Editor-in-Chief Lara Heacock) here.
* By entering this contest, you give consent to Kind Over Matter to use your name for promotional purposes on our website and on all social media.
