Dear KOM-ers!
We’re so happy to feature a new book giveaway!
Please enjoy this excerpt from “The Alphabet of Happiness” by Klaudia Mitura.
There are 2 ways to enter to win a FREE copy:
- Leave a comment below with your email address (so we can contact you)
- Email us at KOMWriting@gmail.com with the Subject: The Alphabet of Happiness giveaway entry
The winner will be randomly selected on 9/15/25 and announced on our website and social media. *
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What does it take to live a happier life? Discover your path to fulfillment with The Alphabet of Happiness, a real, refreshing, science-backed guide to living a more joyful life. Inspired by Klaudia Mitura’s award-winning podcast, The Happiness Challenge, this invaluable book combines expert insights with hands-on ideas to build happiness in relationships, at work and within your own skin.
Weaving surprising science with personal anecdotes and topical examples, each of the 26 alphabet-inspired principles offers easy-to-understand psychology with practical solutions, allowing you to explore and apply these insights in any order, step-by-step, to achieve genuine positive transformation in your life.
Perfect for self-reflectors and go-getters alike, The Alphabet of Happiness is a must-read for anyone ready to take small but powerful steps toward a happier life.
Excerpt: Chapter 7: Kindness: make others happy without resentment
I believe in a kind world. When I leave my flat, I trust that even if something happens, there will be a kind stranger who will help me. This is not a foolish belief, as I am fully aware of the imperfections and cruelty of the world around me. But it is a rather carefully constructed trust based on endless situations when I was in need, and the stranger beside me offered to help with my suitcase, pay for my ticket or lend me their phone. The experience of that kindness stays with me forever so that when I encounter the opposite, I can regain my trust in fellow humans by saying to myself: remember when a stranger was so kind and gave you a helping hand? This is what matters; this is what counts.
As a student, I wanted to save money, so I decided to catch the flight back home in the early morning, but that meant travelling alone in the middle of the night to get to the airport. It was not a great idea, but luckily, the conductor spotted me and said he was concerned for my safety as, in a minute, the train would fill up with drunken parties of people travelling home on this last train of the evening. He moved me to a first-class carriage with no charge. He also told me where to get off and where to wait for the airport bus so I would be safe. I didn’t expect this kindness; I didn’t know I needed it, but I got to my destination safely because of it. That was 15 years ago, and I still think of the train conductor who was so kind to me for no reason. This and many more random acts of kindness I have experienced motivate me to be a kind stranger in someone else’s life.
It was pouring with rain in a way that it only rains in England. It was non-stop for days, with heavy showers coming from every direction. I was in a thick crowd of people who, like me, were walking briskly to catch a bus to work. We stopped at the traffic lights, and next to me, I spotted a young woman with no umbrella getting soaked. I shared my umbrella with her and walked her to the bus stop. Call me an optimist, but hopefully this made her day a little bit better. And the other day, when walking back home with my husband, we spotted a woman who looked very distressed. It turned out that she had just been robbed, so we paid for her Uber to get home. I hope she still trusts in strangers’ kindness more than remembering that sometimes our safety cannot be taken for granted.
It is sad that no one else offered their umbrella or stopped to comfort the distressed person. Are we equally guilty when we ignore the pain and suffering around us as those who cause it in the first place? What hurts more: the cruel act you experience or the indifference from others? Despite your experiences, I hope you still believe in a kind world. Because you know what? I am the kind stranger that will catch you when you fall.
What is kindness?
Kindness is “any positive action, no matter how small, that leaves someone in a better situation than before”. It is based on the understanding that despite our backgrounds, status and experiences, despite what we portray to the outside world, deep down, we all wish one thing: to be happy and loved. When you expand this fundamental understanding to every human being, the divide between “you” and “them” disappears, and instead, you can foster the need to help, share and be kind.
Even though, especially when watching the news, you might doubt the good intentions of fellow humans, remember that we are hardwired for kindness, love and altruism. The desire to be kind even shows in toddlers, confirming that our innate potential for altruism is immense; we just need to choose to express it towards others.
That is why the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation dedicates time and resources to making kindness the norm in our society. On their website, you will find diverse ideas on how to be kind towards strangers, neighbours, colleagues or the environment! Parking neatly to allow enough space for fellow drivers, leaving a positive review about a local business, sending encouraging emails to a colleague, and turning off all electrical devices overnight are random acts of kindness that make the world a better place every day! Kindness does not stop with others or the environment. Kindness can also be demonstrated to yourself; for instance, by taking enough rest or writing down your best qualities, you ensure you show up positively in the world. Kindness is a superpower that influences the happiness of others, creating a ripple effect across social networks and ultimately contributing to building a happier society.
Why is kindness the new cool?
The connections you have with others are at the centre of your happiness. Studies have confirmed that people with strong and diverse social connections are happier, healthier, and may live longer. This is because your happiness is influenced not only by the quality of your close relationships but also by the wellbeing of those around you, making you feel safe and secure. Kindness improves the happiness of others whilst also making you happier and healthier. In his book The Five Side Effects of Kindness, Dr David Hamilton confirms that we benefit by being kind to others in incredible ways!
1. Kindness gives you a happy kick.
The experience of kindness causes the brain to produce and elevate relevant chemicals that give you a natural high of happiness. This is also known as the ‘helpers’ high’. But even more importantly, by being kind, you tap into your moral compass and values, strengthening your view of yourself as “a good person”. This makes you feel good about yourself.
2. Kindness is good for your heart.
Acts of kindness are accompanied by emotional warmth that causes the body to produce the love hormone oxytocin. This hormone causes the release of another chemical that expands your blood vessels and reduces your blood pressure. By lowering your blood pressure, you protect your heart.
3. Kindness can slow ageing.
The unique hormone oxytocin produced due to emotional warmth also reduces inflammation in the cardiovascular system, slowing the body’s ageing. And it’s free! It’s a pity that it’s not advertised in beauty magazines!
4. Kindness is a social glue, improving relationships.
Being kind to others makes you feel connected and reduces the emotional distance between people, even between strangers. Helping others also means that you are shifting focus away from your problems towards the worries of others, making them feel important and valued. In return, people are grateful, making you feel happier and loved.
5. Kindness is contagious.
Being kind inspires others to be kind in return. Studies show that kindness creates a ripple effect across social networks, even up to three degrees of separation. That is why kindness is a superpower that can change the world!
How not to burn out when being kind to others.
The goldmine of benefits and our hardwired potential to give makes you wonder why we are not kind more often? And most importantly, if we give more and more, would we become happier and more successful with no limit? Unfortunately, no. Being kind makes us happier and more successful, but because kindness relies on our energy, resources and time, being kind beyond our means will result in burnout. That is why studies on people who are kindly caring for others 24/7 with no rest and additional support show they are more likely to get depressed than those who have no caring responsibilities. Also, if we are helping out of obligation or under pressure to be kind, we are more likely to experience frustration or resentment than happiness.
To avoid burnout or frustration, you need to be kind in a smart way, which means considering your personal needs and resources. Grant confirms that not all givers will be successful in the workplace, only those who are strategic with their kindness. Three strategies can help you to be kind in a smart way.
First of all, try to be efficient with your kindness. For instance, if you are getting asked to repeatedly help with the same thing in the workplace, could you create a guide so people can crack on on their own? Can you provide comments and feedback rather than take on more tasks so you are helping others help themselves? Or, if you are not the best person to help or are limited on time, could you recommend someone else to step in? Understanding that you have limited resources and trying to maximise the positive outcomes of your kindness is selfless, not a selfish act!
Secondly, be sure you are in a positive emotional state to help out. Kindness is about spreading emotional warmth with others to build connections and happier communities, so if you are not in the right emotional state to help, don’t. No one likes to feel like a burden to others, and if you are being kind because you ‘must’ rather than ‘want to’, others will feel it. Being honest with yourself and those around you when you cannot help takes courage, but that honesty will prevent you from being frustrated and resentful. An excellent method to call upon is to be kind to yourself by treating yourself like you would a friend or family member. If one of your loved ones would come to you for advice on whether to help others even though they are not in the position to do so, what advice would you give them?
Finally, try to see the impact of your kindness. Research confirms that those who are kind and can see the outcomes of their positive behaviours are even happier than those who are kind but cannot see the effects of their efforts. Seeing the positive impact of your kindness is not always possible when it comes to random acts of kindness, but it can be observed when volunteering and donating money. Those who volunteer can see the impact of their efforts and are more likely to experience the ‘helpers’ high’. Studies also show that those of us who give a proportion of our monthly income to specific charitable causes are happier than people who spend their money on themselves, regardless of income level.
* By entering this contest, you give consent to Kind Over Matter to use your name for promotional purposes on our website and on all social media.
NOTE: You can pre-order Klaudia’s book from Collective Ink Books or on Amazon.
