Book Giveaway and Excerpt: Next Time Leave Me on the Floor

Dear KOM-ers!

We’re so happy to feature a new book giveaway!

Please enjoy this excerpt from “Next Time Leave Me on the Floor” by Sara Doell.

There are 2 ways to enter to win a FREE copy:

  1. Leave a comment below with your email address (so we can contact you)
  2. Email us at KOMWriting@gmail.com with the Subject: Next Time Leave Me on the Floor giveaway entry

The winner will be randomly selected on 5/20/24 and announced on our website and social media. *

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Next Time Leave Me On the Floor (release date – 5/22/24) is about Sara’s experiences of quitting drinking including what led her to drink so much, why she decided to quit and the experiences she had in the first two years of sobriety. Sara wrote this book because, while there are many “quit lit” books out there, there were none written by a member of the LGBTQIA+ community who works in athletics and don’t have kids. Many of the other books were beneficial in her recovery, but she wanted to write a book from a different perspective.

Excerpt: Dear Alcohol,

I remember when we were first introduced 30 years ago. You came to me in the form of a shot of Southern Comfort, but you were far from making me feel comfortable. You had a sneaky way about you, leaving me feeling intrigued and wanting more. I wasn’t supposed to know you yet – I was too young. However, there was something about you that made me want to get to know you. You gave me courage, and I soon began to think the only way to be brave was with you moving through my veins. We hung out a few times in high school, sneaking a few meetings behind my parents’ backs. You became friends with my sister, and I remember one time when she came back from college and I was really mad at you for being so mean to her. I wish I had paid more attention.

I didn’t pack you to take with me, but you managed to make the trip to Penn State and sat on every street corner in State College, Pennsylvania, taunting me to join you at the bar. You made me feel like you needed me as much as I needed you, so I let you into my life. It did not take long for you to invade my personal space, force me into uncomfortable situations, and cause me to go down some dangerous paths. You made me say things I would regret, gave me bruises, made me jealous, angry, and sad. I imagined that after college, you would stay behind to connect with other college kids, but you constantly found a way to show up wherever I was. You stalked me.

We had many conversations over the past 30 years. Some felt like you were a friend, a confidant, a therapist, and a safe space where I could show my true self. You gave me the courage to kiss my first girlfriend, to come out of the closet, and to talk back to mom when she was mean. You helped me let down my inhibitions and be more comfortable and social at parties, work functions, and on first dates. You helped me fit in when I felt different and took the focus off of me by distracting others. You numbed the pain in many heartbreaks and guided me through my mother’s death and beyond. The most important thing you ever did for me was introduce me to my wife. And for that, I thank you.

Other conversations and situations with you took a turn for the worse as you told me lie after lie, even when I begged you to tell me the truth. Our relationship turned dysfunctional and abusive very quickly. I abused you, took advantage of you, and cursed you. In return, you made me sick, gave me headaches, and added weight to my body and my life. You gave me empty promises and false narratives. You told me I was awesome then slapped me across the face for getting too confident. You promised good times, laughs, and connections, and instead gave me shame, guilt, and, at times, self-hate. You are a liar, a thief, and a con artist.

Despite all of this, I am so incredibly grateful that we met. Without you, I would never truly know my weaknesses, blind spots, doubts, and fears. I would never truly understand how bad life could get and what dangers could easily be lurking around the corner. You taught me what my limitations were and made me realize that I deserve better than what you could offer despite the times you supported me.

When I decided to walk away from you and leave you on the shelf, I was scared. I was afraid that without you, I would feel lonely, sad, or bored. I got jealous when I saw you making other people happy, but I was just as grateful that I walked away from you when I saw you beat other people down. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly have times that I miss you and pine for the fun times we had, but I know that the struggles outweigh any positive impact you had on my life. I fear that if I opened the door to let you in from the rain, you would come back with a vengeance, so I have left the door locked.

Although I have not let you in, you still lurk in my house and sometimes have a seat at the table, but you will never get to sit next to me again. I have new friends now who treat me well without the backhanded compliments and rude gestures. They allow me to be the person that I want to be and support me when I am sad. They are a healthier version of you and have helped me walk away from our relationship to gain more positive connections. My physical, emotional, and mental health have improved because of them, and there are no strings attached. After spending time with them, I feel so much better. With you, I almost always felt worse.

I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, and I forgive you. I will, however, NEVER forget all the horrible things you did to me, the broken promises you made, and the times you made my life a living hell. You don’t deserve me, and I don’t need you. So while I will be seeing you often, remember that we are not friends, and I beg you to be kind to the people in my life who you are acquaintances with. They deserve that.

With Gratitude,

Sara

 

* By entering this contest, you give consent to Kind Over Matter to use your name for promotional purposes on our website and on all social media. 

sara doell
Sara Doell is a CLCC certified life coach, Division 1 college golf coach, Class A LPGA member, co-creator of the Best Parts Podcast and is now a freaking published author. She is a three-time Big East coach of the year, 2015 LPGA National Coach of the Year and was inducted into the Gates Chili High School Hall of Fame in Rochester, NY in 2016. Sara believes in the law of attraction, that the toilet paper goes over and not under and that Charleston Chews should only be eaten straight out of the freezer. She has an irrational fear of frogs, is a loyal fan of the musical “Rent” and thinks olives taste like feet smell (you will never convince her otherwise). She lives in San Francisco with her wife, Caitlin and their rescue dog named Mr. Harvey Milk who spends his time barking at the toaster oven, peeing on every third tree on dog walks and defending his moms fiercely from squirrels and the mailman. Her future dreams include owning a home in a sleepy beach town that is within an hour of a major metropolitan airport, visiting all 50 states before the Big 5-0, petting a sloth and learning how to play the guitar. You can connect with Sara on her website.

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