5 Things to do When You Feel Unsure of Yourself

Do you sometimes feel like you know what you need but think you are too busy to complete it? Or you are just not sure of what you will find out about yourself? Maybe you have felt like this before. I know I have many, many times in the past. Do you get that uneasy feeling of: “I don’t know if I can do this” or “I’m just not sure anymore”?

The truth is it takes courage to do the things that scare us, but I promise you once you start taking baby steps towards what you really want out of life you will instantly see a change for the better. You will look at people and things in a different way.

You will feel empowered and free. Taking the steps of courage won’t be so challenging anymore. You will recognize the gifts in it and embrace what used to scare you. Your life will transform. In life, your confidence levels can fluctuate from time to time. Your self-esteem may soar when you nail an important presentation and then plummet when you miss out on a big promotion.

How can you keep riding the self-worth peaks or at least not stumble too deep into the valleys – even when things don’t go exactly how you want? It’s all about being more mindful of who you surround yourself with, regulating the thoughts in your head, feeling grateful for what you have and finally asking yourself empowering questions on a consistent basis.

Here are some tips to help build your confidence:

#1: Make a Positivity List

While you can’t protect yourself against less desirable outcomes at all times (rejection, loss and failure are all bound to happen on occasion), you can determine how much you let these periods affect how you feel about yourself.

I always tell clients to keep a list of all the things they are grateful for in their lives and keep this close by. In times when things feel unpleasant and they begin to lose sight of the good things; they have a very visual and real representation of all the good that is going on in their lives.

Make this list when you’re feeling good and keep it nearby for times when you’re feeling unsure. (next to your bed, at your desk or even in your purse) A quick reminder of the riches in your life may make it easier to stop focusing on any shortcomings.

#2: Get Out of Your Head

A confidence-eroding event – like overhearing a sarcastic remark or finding out you didn’t get into a school or program of your choice – feels bad enough when it happens. By reliving that experience time and time again you only prolong the feelings of pain and low self-worth.

If you fall into this trap, create some distance from your thoughts by thinking maybe it was meant to be and the Universe has a different plan for me.

#3: Join a Mutual Admiration Society

When life has you down it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Who you turn to during these times of low self-confidence can greatly affect how quickly you rebound and how low you allow yourself to go.

Gather people around you who are genuine, compassionate and supportive. Your personal support group is a great resource to pick you up when you’re feeling down and remind you of the amazing gifts and talents you possess.

#4: Take Other People Out of the Equation

Few things can make our confidence levels go from high to low like judging yourself against someone else. Maybe you’re feeling great about losing 10 LBS, then you see a friend who has lost 20. Or you’re proud to have started writing a few pages of the novel you’ve always wanted to write, when you learn a colleague just got a book deal. When we compare ourselves to others we only hurt us.

You don’t know what path that person has gone down to get to where they are today; so just think: “This is my journey and I embrace every part of it.”

Letting your self-worth be the result of how you stack up to other people’s achievements, appearances and lives is one of the easiest ways to sabotage yourself. It’s clearly a one-sided viewpoint that doesn’t take into consideration the whole picture. Maybe your colleague got a book deal but has been toiling away at 5 a.m. for the past decade.

#5: Keep Perspective

Often the least confident people are the ones who focus on all that they don’t have, rather than celebrating what they do have. Staying appreciative for all you do possess is a big part of self-confidence.

List 5 things you don’t have but want in your life. (If your confidence is down, this part will probably be easy.) Then list 10 things you do have. It can be ANYTHING – this soft pillow my head lays on each night, the roof over my head, the car I drive – ANYTHING!

As you make your list chances are you’ll see that you not only have a lot to be thankful for, but that you’re also well on your way to having everything you desire.

Everything is right there!

Susan Ball is the founder of Empowered Her, an abuse recovery expert and a bestselling author. "Empowered Her" blossomed from Susan's own abusive relationships and is built on the belief that all women are entitled to live free, fulfilled and fearless.
Susan is on a mission empowering women to Rise Up, Show Up, Free Their Voices and Move Out of Victim-Hood.
You can connect with Susan on her website or join her Healing Narcissistic Trauma Facebook Group.

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