I’m rocked by a grief, a restlessness, a distracted meditation.
I want the world to dissipate, to dissolve, to evaporate.
Can you hush? Speak more softly? Wear black?
Honor my depression.
My emotions keep barking, gnawing, drooping.
So I unleash my feelings, take them on a walk,
Let them sit by the pole, away from me,
Hugging the cries of irrational, un-thrilling fears of tomorrow.
I sit on the bench and turn into a pile of incomprehensible thoughts.
They seep out like messy dust specks,
Pushed away under the rug for far too long.
I sort it neatly, like planning an itinerary
using my soul as a stick.
I let things spill and drop and stutter.
I give myself some room, I take my feelings home.
I don’t put them on a leash. I don’t hurry.
I make extra time to pause. I leave my calendar free.
There – I make a whole hour just for tea.
Just like that, I let serendipity find me.