Surrender

Surrender is a not a natural state of being for me. As someone who loves to find control or certainty in things, surrender is work.

Last week I was sitting in my house (because that’s what we do now) and I realized that I’d pretty much adjusted to being quarantined. In my state, I’m currently in week 4, so this was just about 3 weeks in. Huh, I thought. I guess I just don’t leave the house anymore and I’m living a little life in these 4 walls. Please know that I share all of this with DEEP awareness of the privilege I have to be in 4 safe walls. 

Somehow I hit surrender.

What came before it? Exhaustion. Fear. Worry. Laughter. Sadness. Confusion. Anger.

What will come after it? Exhaustion. Fear. Worry. Laughter. Sadness. Confusion. Anger.

That’s the thing about surrender, or honestly any of these ways of being. They’re not permanent. It took 3 weeks and a lot of work (regular walks, daily meditation, online connection, quiet time, lots of cooking, snuggling with kitties, extra sleep) to reach surrender; and I know that it’s not going to stay with me until this quarantine ends…but I do know it’s possible. I know now that I can experience surrender, and joy, and laughter, and connection. I also know that I’ll feel sadness, and exhaustion, and confusion, and frustration…and that they will also pass.

Maybe the lesson of surrender is that it comes when it wants. It’s not something that you can force; but you sure can appreciate it when it arrives. Give yourself kudos for the practices you’re doing to keep yourself going right now. Reach out if you need support. When surrender does show up, pause and be grateful for a moment because it, too, shall pass. Just like this virus.

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