My first “big girl” job was working in a public relations firm. I say “big girl” because I had been working since I was 14; but this job wasn’t about cleaning, babysitting or waiting tables. This was a job where I got to use my mind and talents.
The first couple of weeks were hard…really hard. I had a boss who was a perfectionist and very controlling. My interview process with her should have been a warning sign; but I was young and eager to step into this job and be successful.
The expression “I’s dotted and T’s crossed” felt like it was based on this woman. It took me a while to understand that she was actually easy on me compared to how she treated herself. She used control and perfectionism to get things done in her world. It made her a powerhouse at work and with clients; but I don’t think it created much freedom in her life. I learned a lot from her and it was an amazing business education, but certainly not one that supported being kind or loving to yourself.
That amount of control and perfectionism is a sign that you are creating no-win situations in your life. There is no wiggle room allowing you to be human; and there definitely isn’t a lot of room for the Divine to work its magic.
The Control Factor and Universal Forces
When we hold on to our lives with an iron fist of control, we aren’t pausing to really listen to the guidance within. That inner guidance is the key to living a life filled with abundance, joy and purpose. What is truly behind the control factor is a fear of not being safe. The theory is: “If you control every factor and every person in your life, you will be safe.” I wish it worked like that, but it doesn’t. If you truly want to create win-win situations, your first step is to embody a profound sense of safety.
Embody Safety to Create Win-Win Situations
To embody a profound sense of safety means that your safety is not outside of you or based on your circumstances. It is the ability to know and access the feeling of safety within you at all times. Some people feel the safety while they meditate; while others need to turn it on like a super power to be aware of it. My suggestion is to start with a willingness – sit quietly and ask yourself to be aware of your inner safety.
The Win-Win Side of Perfection
Why do we have this need to be perfect? The inner belief that drives perfectionism is that we think we are not enough. Now, as I reflect back on that early job situation, I understand that in actuality my boss was highly insecure. I can see that she felt she had to be perfect at everything to maintain her position. What if you could embrace the fact that the Universe already knows you are perfect just the way you are? You could stop trying to be perfect and instead, express yourself naturally. You would operate based on the knowing that you are whole and complete; and your actions would indeed be different. I suggest that for one day you ask this question: “If I knew I was perfect, what would I say or do in this situation?”
Most of us are taught to sacrifice who we are and what we want to create win-win situations. What If you start with the fundamental belief of knowing that you are enough and show that to yourself and others? I can promise you that win-win situations will certainly unfold for you.