Hi. My name is Lara and I like to hold a grudge.
It’s true! Sometimes I just loooooove to hold on to the little things. Husband didn’t wash the pans from dinner? Grudge. Friends didn’t ask how a new venture is going? Resentment. I could go on…but as you probably know, that doesn’t serve me.
Holding grudges over small things is a recipe for disaster. It builds resentment, destroys connection, and after a while, makes you sick. Logically I know all of that to be true, but it’s still hard to let go in the moment. When anger and resentment and grudges have been your companions for as long as you can remember, the switch doesn’t just immediately flip to zen and breezy.
Even after having the words Let Go tattooed behind my right ear, this is still a practice for me. Old habits die hard, they say, but they do die (or at least become MUCH less significant!)
These days, when I notice the tendency to go to that old place of grudge holding or score keeping, I ask myself this: Who is this hurting?
Let’s face it, if you’re walking around being angry that trash isn’t taken out or socks aren’t picked up, it’s not hurting the people who didn’t take out the trash or pick up the socks. It’s hurting you, just like it was hurting me for a lot of years. Holding on to little things cost me the feeling of connection in close relationships. It cost me a LOT of emotional energy brooding over how I’d been wronged. It cost me physical health, in the form of stress and all the fun that comes along with it.
The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to ask yourself “Who is this hurting?”
If it’s a big issue that needs to be addressed, then you take action, but if it’s something little – one of the daily annoyances of life – carrying a grudge or feeling angry & resentful is only hurting you. Letting go is what serves you.