This one is for you if you feel like showing your flaws will make you unlovable.
She came to me with a laundry list of her personal flaws and mistakes. Her professional confidence was shaken to the core and she didn’t know how to stop putting pressure on herself and feeling overwhelmed. Her flaws were the only thing she could see, and that clouded vision was impacting every area of life. Through her eyes, everyone else’s life was shiny and together while hers was a chaotic mess. It was getting difficult for her to believe that she was lovable.
On the outside you’d never know she was feeling this way. She was a seasoned professional in a prestigious field, she had a home, a partner, a circle of friends and an active social life…but she didn’t believe any of that was real. She was paralyzed by the idea of sharing her flaws with friends or her partner…which is exactly where we started.
There were no big risks or scary instructions or tough love moments. Our first step was simply to amp up the self kindness. We explored the places that made her feel good, the activities that brought her joy and I gave her full permission to spend as much time on those things as possible. Then we moved on to her inner voice and I learned how she spoke to herself. Like most of us, it was pretty unkind, so we explored some techniques to re-frame that inner voice. She gradually started feeling like the ground underneath her was more solid. The awareness of her flaws was still there but she could also see her lovability again.
When the time was right we took a big step and I invited her to ask someone she loves what they love about her. (You should know that this is one of my FAVORITE things to ask my clients to do…and you can totally do this for yourself. I promise you’ll get a huge boost if you want to give it a try!)
You see, we all feel unsteady from time to time. Even the most confident among us looses our footing and starts to worry that we really are unlovable. Having a reminder of the things that someone important loves about us is a great way to ground yourself back in your lovability when things feel unsteady.
Try it for yourself if you’re needing a little boost. Drop me a line or leave a comment and let me know how you felt when you heard/read the response!