Can you count how many times you have criticized yourself today?
If you can’t, chances are you are not using criticism as a tool to grow, to improve yourself; you are using it as a weapon to put down, to diminish and discredit all that is good about yourself. Doing that to yourself has to stop – starting today.
Allow me to unveil why and how to overcome self-criticism:
- There is no difference to your body’s chemistry between what is happening and what you imagine is happening to you.
Criticism is rarely a matter of fact and most likely a matter of opinion. Therefore, criticizing yourself is putting your mind and body through unnecessary stress and pain.
- Change the belief that if you’ve done something wrong, or a mistake for which you have to be punished.
Being a critic to yourself is a form of punishment and it takes your self-esteem, self-love, self-tolerance and self-appreciation away.
How much do you like people that are not pleasant to you? Just as you don’t like them, you don’t like yourself either if you don’t treat yourself well and respectfully.
As you learn how to relate to others, learn how to connect with yourself as well.
If a friend makes a mistake and asks for advice or your opinion, you don’t trash the person for it, do you? That would be counterproductive. Therefore, don’t do it to yourself either for the same reason, if not out of love.
Nothing good comes out of punishing yourself, but many positive things come out of having compassion and understanding for oneself. Next time you will know better how to handle a situation or how to do something. We are learning and growing through our mistakes and errors.
- Arm yourself with enthusiasm and motivation to do better next time.
Enthusiasm is a great tool to use to push yourself forward in a gentle and productive way. Collaborate and communicate with yourself as you are doing it with others.
- Treat yourself with compassion.
A mind that is treated with compassion works as a child that grows up in a loving environment compared to a child from a neglectful or abusive one. Your mind will respond in a positive way to positive things and in a negative way to negative things.
Compassion calms you down and you are ready to make a good decision or to find a solution to your problems.
- Bring out the best friend you can be.
Self-criticisms is like living with an enemy within yourself.
When you are criticizing yourself, you might end up with two problems to solve instead of one.
- Cherish your modesty.
Out of modesty, you might sometimes tend to lower your self-positives (such as self-esteem, self-confidence, self-appreciation and so on). Improving your self-positives is not a selfish thing. It is teaching you how to recognize and know how to act when it is time to support others.
- Clean up your internal dialog.
Talk nicely to yourself. Use positive, encouraging words and a gentle tone.
Yes, sometimes you might need a firm hand to get back on track. And for those times, learn how to be assertive with yourself.
Remember that you can’t love the hand that hits you even if is the same one that feeds you.
- Forgive yourself for not being perfect.
When you manage to find at least one other perfect human, then you can expect perfection from yourself. Until then, accept yourself as you are. You are enough as you are.
Being self-compassionate and indulgent doesn’t lower your standards but helps you to improve.
At the end of the day, this is the charm of life: you are making mistakes and making the best decisions you can. Improve along the way and smile!
Self-criticism is an abandonment of self that stops you from getting help from within or from outside and the effects can be devastating. You can feel lonely and exhausted, frightened and scared.
Celebrate who you are! You are a valuable member of your family, group and anywhere else you belong.