image courtesy of Pixabay
Some people believe that this holiday was created in the Middle Ages because birds paired off into couples in mid-February. So, let’s follow that legend of the birth of Valentine’s Day. That means we’re celebrating a holiday created by plague stricken humans who thought, in the middle of winter, when rats with wings found a mate in an effort to create more rats with wings, it was a symbol of romance. Gross.
Don’t get me started on the flying baby with the Hunger Games bow and arrow.
All that being said…I still secretly wish James McAvoy will show up at my door with flowers and chocolate…with or without clothes. I’m not picky. Sadly, I think reality, and his lovely wife, may have something to say about that event coming to fruition. Therefore, I will continue with my dislike of the holiday and suggest to you some wonderful alternatives to the overpriced meal you may experience (if you happen to be in a relationship) or the completely justified consumption of an entire medium bag of pink, red, and white M&M’s (if you’re not).
- Go to the grocery store and buy these items: Garlic, French Onion Dip, Onions, Pickles, Tuna and condoms. When checking out say, “I’m really excited for a great, romantic night.”
- Write missed connections for your favorite movie characters and post them on Craigslist. Laugh at the inevitable responses.
- Buy cards for your loved ones that have nothing to do with Valentine’s Day. Examples may include “Get Well Soon,” “Happy 3rd Birthday,” “Happy Bat Mitzvah,” “Military Appreciation,” or “Happy Retirement.” Then write a heart felt message inside.
- Make a Haunted House and open it to the public on February 14th. Rooms could include a bad break up, finding out the final cost of a wedding, or “oops! I thought we were careful.”
- Go into Victoria’s Secret and ask what you think would be the best sexy lingerie choice if your boyfriend is a Dungeon Master.
Regardless of what you choose to do on Valentine’s Day, remember, if you’re in a relationship, love each other every day. Not just one day of the year. If you’re not, remember that you’re awesome. Being in a relationship or celebrating an inconsequential holiday isn’t going to change the greatness of you.
So, Happy Valentine’s Day! I’ll be over here eating cookie dough out of the tub.
|Shannon DeVido is an actress, comedian, singer, and writer. She has performed comedy around the country as a stand up comedian and improv with her longform teams, Hell on Wheels and Axis of Evil, on television (Law and Order: SVU), and Off-Broadway.
An accomplished singer, she currently performs with her quirky, singer-songwriting duo, Useful Rooster.
Finally, her popular YouTube channel, Stare at Shannon, breaks the conventional image of disability through comedy.