I Don’t Know

Post by Jo Anna Rothman.

print by Aurora Mercado on Etsy

I Don’t Know

The phrase is a deep breath. A place of being where my mind can’t rail. Where my heart is open. Where the moment is full. Full of possibilities. Full of mystery. Full of the nowness that can only be present when we remember how much of knowing is a story created to soothe and protect.

I don’t know.

I used to run from it. From the unknown. From what I saw as the emptiness. I wanted to plunge deep into the core of the mind…rich in its plans and facts. I liked the way the thoughts blanketed me. The way they obscured my view from the vast landscape of that which is yet to be created. The world felt scary without the knowing… too big. Too grand. And way too out of my control.

I don’t know.

I thought I wanted to. Really. I thought I needed to know. I thought that all I needed to do was figure it out. Figure out why this bothered me. Or why that patterned shimmied up to the surface just at that moment. Or what would happen and what did I have to do perfectly to make everything turn out right.

I don’t know.

I remember the moment it showed up. I had been asking. Over and over. For help. For guidance. There was a flash of disappointment when I realized that the only thing that was showing up was the unknown. It was beaconing me into it’s shine. How could it be the answer I was seeking?

I don’t know.

I walked into the space of the mystery because there was nothing left to do. I had spun myself into a web and I wanted out. It was stay stuck or venture into the world unknown. My mind jumped with questions of worth. Of the future. Of who would love me. And the only answer I had was “I don’t know.” It turns out it was the only answer those voices had been looking for.

I don’t know.

Is a moment of surrender. On my knees. Handing over the story that I have woven. Handing over the predictions of the future that shape my steps. Dropping the tall tales of the past, where I guessed and made assumptions that had implanted themselves into the view I held of myself. Letting myself feel, really feel, who I am.

I’m Jo Anna. Jo Anna Rothman, MA if you are being fancy. I’m a Wizadress of love. Mistress of change.

Conjurer of Electric Creative Wholeness. I am here to invite and inspire you to live the best human experience ever. I connect folks to their soul, their purpose, their absolute and amazing joy. I coach. I write. I facilitate the amazing Receiving Project.  Most of all, I have a damn good time!

To read more of Jo Anna’s guest posts on Kind Over Matter click here!

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